Gemini Geriatric: My Annual Annoyance

Why must we celebrate birthdays? Who ever thought up this aggravating tradition should be burned at the stake on a stack of cheap grocery store cake candles. This is the one human custom that causes me almost as much angst and anxiety as do-it-yourself dental procedures. Why do we have to celebrate the fact that that we have grown more gray hair, found more wrinkles, and experienced a decline in physical condition over this time last year? It’s ridiculous. Those who celebrate it with grace dignity are lying to themselves. Those who make fun of the effects of growing older are just plain tacky.

Birthdays, like Christmas, are for children. Children get excited when they are surrounded by crowds of friends and family pretending they are the most important thing in the universe for a day. I’m old enough to know that I’m not, so why make a big fuss? After you’re old enough to have voted in several elections even parents have a hard time remembering the day you were born. So, why not just forget about it, okay? If I can’t remember having more than twenty or thirty birthdays, then why not just say that’s how old I am, twenty or thirty. We’re allowed to estimate our taxes to the nearest dollar amount. So, why don’t we estimate our age to the nearest decade? Rounding down, of course.

Who is the event for, anyway? Is it for the one with the birthday or for the friends and family? If the celebration is for me then I shouldn’t be bothered with the planning or execution of the event at all. If it’s my event then I shouldn’t have to work for it, right? If it’s for the family, then just tell me. I’ll give you a wad of cash and a cardboard effigy of myself and all can pretend I’m with them. My favorite way to celebrate the thing is to not be bothered or inconvenienced by all that.

I get so annoyed by birthdays, all that annual repetition of the thing. It becomes so monotonous after several years. I’m annoyed by the fact that I’m expected to be happy about my birthday so that the celebrants can feel good about what they’re doing for me. I’m annoyed by experiencing guilt and feeling under obligation to reciprocate those who feel I deserve a gift for having lived another year. And most of all, I’m annoyed at being reminded that I’m one year closer to dementia, arthritis, bifocals, and questionable bladder control.

Yes, all may grimace at my whining. I’m being a grouch about the whole thing. This attitude about it demonstrates that I have already drifted from the category of “eccentric old uncle” to “cranky old coot.” Geezers like me don’t deserve birthdays, so let’s just skip it this year, shall we?

Flickr photo credit: Erin Dollar

Cashing In, I Hope

You may have noticed I've added something new to the page. Due to the loyal and faithful readers of this little trifle, we're now receiving roughly one thousand page views per month. I am very humbled by that. Thank you, all. I've decided that I will allow a little advertising on the page as long as it doesn't distract the readers. I am allowing the Adsense ads to be placed on the very bottom of the page. Hopefully, no one will be bothered by it.


Photo credit: ebaycoach at Flickr

Restored

I have been very down during this holiday season because of the move and a few personal tragedies that have occurred. I know several readers have been concerned and I have regretted imposing my emotional baggage on this audience. Today I have been somewhat restored to the true Christmas spirit.

So many of my recent past Christmases have been solemn for various reasons. But, today I spent Christmas with a family with children. I had said in a previous post that I felt Christmas is a holiday of love that is best enjoyed by romantics and families with young children. Today I experienced a Christmas morning that included smiles and laughter. I felt the joy of a family that was able to overcome for a few hours the worries of a bad economy and the anxiety of a troubled world and focus on each other. I felt warmth and inclusion with their family. I was given the temporary status of “Uncle” and had a stocking on their mantle of my own. There was a small gift for me to remember what it feels like to tear paper and be surprised. I had hoped that light and love would come back to my Christmas and it has.

Recently my family and friends have once again endured loss during the holiday season. I expected to have another melancholy holiday. But, last night the symbolism of the Catholic service I attended spoke to me. I was reminded of the plight of a young expectant mother in need of comfort on a night when no one was willing to offer shelter. I sat in a darkened room at midnight imagining how much greater her sense of hopelessness and despair must have been. My family and friends have recently suffered loss and felt such despair. Then the church lights blazed at the stroke of midnight, and I and the other musicians struck a brilliant fanfare on brass instruments, organ and voice. Suddenly, light came from darkness, hope returned to the world and a Child was born.

This morning I am reminded that this holiday is all about hope. Its all about love. This is the day when mankind was given a way out of hopelessness and despair. Remember that in the darkest most desperate hour a miracle can occur. In our scientific age we rarely consider the act of birth to be miraculous. But, let’s remember the miraculous potential that every life has. The life of one Child changed the world. I pray that each of us continues to experience that light, love, and sense of hope during the remainder of this season and for the entire new year.

Photo credit, C.A. Muller at Flickr

Yes, I Can!

The last few posts have been a little melancholy. I appreciate the patience of all the readers that have tolerated my personal introspection. This blog is sometimes a place where I work through issues in my own version of online “talk therapy”. I’ve decided the best way to shake out of the deep blue funk I have been in is to get back to the central purpose of the blog. Its time for a new piece of art from Gemini Art.

A few tacky individuals (no one in my immediate local circle of fans) have foolishly suggested that the only reason I practice my artistic talents is for the purpose of celebrating beautiful men. It has been suggested that I might not be able to create images of other subjects. I have one simple answer to that, “Yes, I can!”

I’m sure this image will bring a smirk to the face of most of the readers that know me personally. I rarely draw female subjects and it has been very good practice for me. I have to admit that it was a greater challenge than I anticipated. The female form has much more subtle lines and curves. The shapes and forms are softer and not as sculptural as a male figure. Male poses are also more dynamic and energetic. It took a lot of effort to knock back the rigid nature of the initial block in. The model’s pose was very relaxed and gentle. I originally had her looking like a Wonder Woman superhero ready to leap into action.

I’m posting a very tastefully cropped image of this work because I want to keep this blog rated PG. The full image is actually seated and draped around the hips. She is displaying a completely unclothed upper torso (enough said). The nudity in this work is not extremely explicit. I am just being sensitive to the fact that not everyone’s tolerance level is the same. If you would like to see a completely uncropped image of this work please click on the link to my Flickr account.

This work is graphite and white chalk on a blue-gray toned paper. The dimensions are 12X17.5 inches. The resource photo is provided courtesy of stock photographer Marcus Ranum. Feel free to leave a comment if you like it.

Thanksgiving and Gratitude

What a beautiful and meaningful holiday this is. It’s probably my favorite holiday on the calendar. We are becoming a more and more secular nation. However, this holiday is as close as we Americans come to taking time to reflect and be somewhat introspective. Most of us “get it”, especially those of us who were born to Depression Era grandparents and Cold War moms and dads. Those of us who suffered through “trickle down” Reaganomics when the drips and drops of cash never quite reached those of us on the bottom of the socio-economic scale. We understand what it is to be truly thankful for the small things in life. We understand the spirit of this holiday.

There are still too many status-hungry materialists that miss the point of what it is to be truly grateful for what we have. Too many fail to understand that we have far more to be thankful for than what we bought at “SamLand” (Wal-Mart/Sam‘s Club) last week. As a subtle pushback against those who have missed the point, I would like to dedicate this post to those things I am grateful for that have little or nothing to do with wealth or personal possessions.

I am so thankful for good health. Anyone who takes this for granted should be required to visit a nursing home or hospital for an afternoon. I don’t have to park in a handicapped parking space. I hustle into and out of the supermarket with my arms full of bags without needing help from anyone. I dash up and down the aisles without having to ride a scooter and ask for assistance to reach items on the top shelf. I eat anything I want without fear that it will make me sick. All my parts work and I still have all my original equipment with no customization.

I’m grateful for independence. This includes such a wide category. It requires me to be thankful to so many people in my life and in my past. I’m fortunate that I have had good parents and family that cared for me until I could care for myself. I’ve had good teachers that taught me enough about the world that I could survive in it without being an excessive burden on society or placing myself under obligation to others. I’ve had role models and mentors that have instilled a sense of values within me that places me appropriately within society and my community. I see the need to contribute to the collective humanity and not simply consume the fruits of others labor. My country allows me to think freely and live in a world where ideas are cherished and unsuppressed. I’m grateful to every man and woman that has sacrificed their life to maintain this freedom and guarantee my continuing independence.

I’m thankful for meaningful relationships. There is no substitute for the lessons of life we learn through contact with other people. I’ve been embraced with compassion and cautioned with kindness. Through every relationship, whether friendly or not, I’ve learned more about myself and about the world. I’ve learned how to “be” and how “not to be”. I’ve felt acceptance from others when I couldn’t muster it for myself.

Finally, I’m thankful for peace of mind. After living for years under repression and self-denial, I’m so glad to just be myself. It’s a beautiful thing to live with a clean conscience knowing that the face I show the world now is mine, not a mask. There is no deception in my daily life. I can just be.

I hope everyone that reads this finds time to express their gratitude and thankfulness in a spiritual, non-materialistic way. Look for deeper meaning than the superficial traditions and religion we have been taught for years. Find meaning that becomes personal and unique to you and share it. In the sharing, perhaps someone else will find a deeper sense of thanksgiving than they had experienced before.

Photo Credit: Publik-Oberberg, on Flickr

Friends, Acquaintances, Relationships & Lovers

In the straight world the boundaries and definitions of interpersonal relationships are much more clear cut. Friends are people you care about and are faithful to support in times of adversity. Acquaintances are people you have met and are familiar with but share no special bond. Straight people have “relationships” with others they feel an emotional intimacy with and affection. Lovers are people that share an emotional and physical intimacy. In the gay world these categories lose all cohesion. In the gay world it seems that interpersonal relationships are as insubstantial as half-set Jello.


Its because we don’t clarify and respect the boundaries of our relationships that we so frequently appear flaky and shallow. We are our own worst enemy. When I say “we” I mean the collective gay “us”. With all the progress that has been made for gay people; hate crime laws, non-discrimination laws for sexual orientation, even gay marriage, we so often continue to play into the ridiculous stereotypes that the homophobes promote about us. Now that I live in a larger town I’ve seen a greater cross-section of the gay community. Ninety-nine percent of the time gay men are just the same as the people I know in the straight world. But, every once in a while they really “go off the reservation.” We need to remember, as the straight world does, how to treat our friends. We have to take care of our own.


I’m shocked at the cross-pollination that happens between gay relationships. For instance, some gay men share a close intimate relationship with a best friend yet they are not lovers. Some gay men quickly become physically intimate with a casual acquaintance yet they share no special bond. Friends are people to share a good time with but quickly turn on if its no longer convenient or comfortable. The lines are so blurry that its hard to make sense of things.


The most painful stereotype to watch is the exchange of snarkey insults and sniping that goes on between gay men. So often gay men are considered petty and immature. Its hard to disagree when two men are seen insulting each other about the color and texture of sportswear, or, when two men almost come to blows over who makes a better cheese dip. Its like watching an argument between Paula Deen versus Martha Stewart, but add testosterone. Hence, the many well-justified accusations that we gay guys indulge in excessive drama.


We don’t police ourselves on these situations either. Why is it that we older, more mature guys don’t keep the young bucks in check? If a couple of smartass college boys were to show up at a bar or bowling alley full of middle-aged straight guys and start criticizing them, the old-boys would collectively kick their college-boy asses. But, not the gays. Why do we tolerate any amount of bad behavior from these men just because they happen to be young and attractive? Are we so desperate for the attention of these pretty young things that we will accept insults, criticism, and personal embarrassment just so at the end of the evening we might get a brief hug and peck on the cheek before we head home?


Having said that, let’s consider the more positive relationships and associations between gay people. Quite simply we call it “family” and for good reason. Because most of us are single (un-partnered, unmarried…..whatever) we tend to look out for one another. If we don’t, who will? Its true that biological families love us but only a fellow gay man understands what its like to live in this skin. Only a fellow gay has lived with the repression, the discrimination, the feeling of alienation from ninety percent of the human population. When a group of friends can share their feelings about the hurts and laugh despite them, they become family. When they find that their affection for one another is deeper than the physical attraction, it exceeds friendship. It becomes something else. The closest analog in straight culture is family.


What role does this family play? They offer comfort, acceptance, and most importantly security. A sad and real truth about the gay world is that there are a few predators lurking in the dark. I’ve been the recipient of cautious advice from dear friends to avoid some characters I’ve met. I’ve seen young, newly out gay men fiercely protected by their seniors without any anticipation of an inappropriate reciprocation. There is great nobility in the gay community. After all, we are a bunch of queens, right?


Occasionally one finds the rare long-term, committed monogamous relationship between two men. It’s a rare and precious thing to see. When you consider that only ten percent of the population is gay, then consider that a smaller fraction of that has compatible age and interests with one another, its amazing that two men find each other at all. How special it is when two men happen to find each other and stay together for longer than a weekend dinner party. But, whether the straights believe it or not, that long-term-relationship (LTR) is that to which most of us aspire. So many people in the straight world believe gay folk to be promiscuous, carefree bon vivants with no capacity for true love or the ability to commit. If they only realized that its simply a problem of math. In the straight world there are dozens of potentials for every man and woman but in our world its one in ten at best.


I didn’t say all that to garner any sympathy or pity for myself or “my people”. I said it with a heartfelt intent to provoke and inspire thought about issues in the gay world that should be slightly more important than who should win the next round of “Dancing with the Stars”. I’m saying it to both the gay world and straight world to highlight the fact that we are more alike than different. We both care about the same things in life, our friends, acquaintances, relationships and lovers. We care about each other.


(photo credit: logoonline at flickr)

The Workhorse Roundup

My adventure continues. Slowly and surely I’m making a life out of this experience that I have thought of as an adventure. I’m afraid that its turning out a little different than I expected. But, that’s okay. That’s the nature of adventure anyway, right? I’m also learning a lot about myself. I guess that I had the mistaken belief that if I changed my environment, my location, that something about me would change. It doesn’t. While I am certainly surrounded by new possibilities and experiences, my core values are the same. My response to these experiences are the same as they always have been throughout my life; conservative, thoughtful, analytical. I’m observant but not engaged, present but politely detached.


I’m still the same old workhorse I’ve always been, just with a new saddle and new stable (see the previous post on Workhorses and Carousel Ponies). The difference now is that I’m surrounded by acquaintances that identify with me in ways that I have never experienced before. I appreciate that most of them are like me. They’re reliable, steady, hard-working guys that value personal responsibility. I wouldn’t be friends with anyone less inclined.


However, and this is bizarre, there is now a sprinkling of circus ponies that I have become acquainted with and I love them dearly. I doubt I embarrass anyone with that moniker. These are certainly guys that would quickly acknowledge that they are in this category. With a twinkle in their eye and a flashy smile they would own up to this without any reservation. I have learned to respect their view of life. It is right in line with the classic old quote, “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.” I’ve come to respect this view of life because each of these fellas would admit that soon enough, time and life will require that they eventually become workhorses themselves. Its regrettable that I missed that “pony-boy” stage of my life. I’m sure that the memories from those times must enrich one’s life a great deal. If anything, I’ve learned that I probably need to lighten up a little and not take myself so seriously. It might be quite possible, and even recommended, for an old workhorse like myself to prance like a pony every once in a while.



(photo credit, Four Horses by halfpic at flickr)

Little Rocker

I'm officially a Little Rock resident. I've rented an apartment and my mail has been forwarded to my new address. I'm getting into a regular routine and making friends here. As a matter of fact, I'm meeting friends tonight at a local bar to watch the most recent episode of "Sordid Lives". That's certainly something I would never have done previously. I had dinner tonight with a friend and we talked about "guy stuff". I'm currently sitting at a Barnes and Noble paying bills online because my Internet won't be turned on until Saturday. I'm home sick and not feeling extremely successful yet, but its because I'm way out of my comfort zone. I knew it would be like this for a while. But, its a good thing. I had become complacent and stagnant. It was time to grow personally and professionally. I like to think of this current discomfort as "growing pains".

So many friends and acquaintances have been surprised at my sudden change in job and location. I've had so many responses such as, "I can't believe you did this," and "this is the last thing I ever thought you would do." To all of those comments I simply say, "Good!" I can't remember the last time I did something risky, unpredictable and spontaneous. Let me explain it a different way with this analogy.

Remember the last Lord of the Rings movie? In the final scene a very old and frail Bilbo Baggins is taken to the Elves ship to sail away with them. He is so old that it seems he has nothing left to do except lay down and die. But, as he is about to board the boat he looks at his companions and says, "I think I'm ready for another adventure." That's exactly how I feel. Its been a long time since I've felt challenged or inspired. The last time I pushed myself for a new adventure or a personal challenge was when I went through graduate school. It was difficult. It was gruelling. But, I came out the other side stronger, smarter, and better for it. This will be the same way. It will be tough at the beginning. But, I will learn something about myself and be stronger for it. And if I'm lucky, I'll find someone to share my life with and end a lifetime of isolation and separation from the world. That isolation is the potential future I faced had I not made this move. I have a chance to make a difference in the future of my life. That's something I didn't have before.

The embedded picture of the Little Rock skyline and Arkansas River in the foreground is from a Flickr album by justpics2000.

Now Public News

I was recently contacted by a fellow blogger that wrote an article for Now Public News. He had seen my Memorial Day photos on Flickr and asked to use some of them to illustrate his article. I was very flattered. Click on the links in this post to view those articles and photos.

Award Winner

Can you believe it? I actually won an award for this simple little picture I took while standing on the porch in my PJs. I posted it on Flickr yesterday right after I wrote the blog post. This morning I checked my email and checked my Flickr account. Lo and behold, I had an invite to have this picture placed in a fancy schmancy nature photography group and they had given me this cute little sticker to attach to it. Gosh, I'm all misty now. "I'd like to thank the Academy, Mom and Dad, my high school english teachers...."

Gee, if any of my work (photos or paintings)would actually sell for money that would be even cooler, don't you think? You can email me your compliements now...... I'm waiting.

Accepted!!!

I'm back from my trip (more about that later). When I checked the email I found out some exciting information. My picture of the Mirage hotel in Las Vegas was excepted by the Schmap Vegas Guide website. I'm so excited. Here is a copy of the email I received. I'm also posting a link to their site. I'm also going to include a "widget" of their site as a courtesy for publishing my picture. Travel is not necessarily the focus of this blog so I'm not sure how long I'll leave up the widget. If it adds to the aesthetic of the page I'll leave it, if not I'll take it down sometime.

Hi Gemini Art,

I am delighted to let you know that your
submitted
photo has been selected
for inclusion in the newly released fourth
edition of our Schmap Las Vegas
Guide.

Thanks so much for
letting us include your photo - please enjoy the
guide!

Best
regards,
Emma Williams,
Managing Editor, Schmap Guides

Link to Schmap Guide, Las Vegas page. As you can see, my photo of the Mirage hotel, taken from the balcony of the Venetian, is in the upper right hand corner of the web page. There's even a little attribution to "Gemini Art" beneath it. I'm famous! I hope all my loyal readers will leave their generous compliments for me in the comments section on this blog entry and check out the Schmap Guide in appreciation for their wisdom in recognizing my photographic genius.

Exciting Email Today

Sometimes there are little things that come out of the blue that really make your day. You know, unexpected miracles like I wrote about in my prayer previously. Well, today it happened. When I checked the email this morning I had received this little note from a viewer on Flickr. (I've excluded some of the note that explained how to submit the photo for inclusion in the guide.)

Hi Gemini Art,

I am writing to let you know that one of your photos hasbeen
short-listed for inclusion in the fourth edition ofour Schmap Las Vegas Guide, to be published late
December 2007.

Best regards,

Emma Williams,

Managing Editor, Schmap Guides

I never dreamed that my little photo I took of my hotel might attract the attention of someone who might publish it. But, I'm glad its being recognized. Wish me luck everyone. It would be cool to have my photo included in a mainstream, highly visible website. I'm anxious to know if it makes the final cut. I'll let you know as soon as I find out. Of course, I'm reposting the selected picture here on the blog again.

Work Horses and Carousel Ponies

Sometimes my readers get to read something worthwhile here and sometimes they just get a sample of the noise that rattles around in my head. I'm afraid this entry is the latter type of post. A friend and I had a conversation earlier today that inspired this little bit of rambling aggravation.

I've decided that there are two types of people in the world. Some of us are work horses and some of us are carousel ponies. (Did I hear a giggle from the back of the room?) I'm sure you will have to admit that you can categorize everyone in your life as one of these two types. But, if your having trouble with the classification, allow me to describe them.

I believe that I, my close friends and everyone I respect is a work horse. The work horse makes a contribution to the world. The life of a work horse revolves around their duty. They demonstrate strength, dilligence and perseverance. The workhorse is generally modest, patient and long-suffering in the execution of his job. A good work horse is a calm and intelligent animal. He often times knows his job better than his handler. Just ask any farmer that has absent mindedly plowed a field. A good horse can keep the furrow straight even if the idiot behind the plow doesn't know the difference between "gee" and "haw".

Unfortunately, the majority of the world falls into the category of carousel pony. That animal is a pure phony. Its not even a real horse. The carousel pony is a vain, brightly painted artifice that serves no real purpose except to indulge the public in a brief, cheap thrill. It spends its entire existence traveling thousands of miles yet goes nowhere. It revolves in small circles and has no desire to expand the limits of its circulation. Its the carousel pony type that gets most of the attention in our celebrity obsessed world. The creature that look great, shows a flashy style and craves personal attention are those who gain the favor of the public. Who enjoys an old tired work horse when there's a dashing carousel pony available? But, lets not forget. You'll never get a lick of work done by a carousel pony unless its impaled on a metal rod with a motor attached to it. (Did I hear another snicker in the back of the room?)

Everyone let me know if you are currently having to tolerate too many carousel ponies in your life. Leave a comment and we will share our desperation.

(The photo in this post is provided by Degan Beley. More of her work is available on Flickr, screen name Luckyfish.)

Record Hit Count on Flickr!!

Here's exciting news. I just checked my Flickr album. I have three pieces of artwork that have just past a landmark for my little album. "Gridiron Warrior","Poolboy", and "Ganges" have reached or exceded 100 page views each. I only hope now that everyone that viewed the photo would also go to the gallery site and make a purchase. Or, at least drop me an email and let me know if they like what they saw. But, I see progress. The future is bright.

Flickr Hits!!!

Wow, I've just had a lot of new visits and a few comments on my Flickr! album. Over the last few weeks I've posted some very nice pictures of my trip to Vegas and my flowers in the front yard. I have had moderate interest. There were fewer than 10 visits to each of those pictures. Then, over the last few days I posted photographs of my paintings and drawings. You know the ones, right? My favorite subjects, right?

Lo, and behold, my hit count on those pictures jumped very noticeably. This guy to the left, who I affectionately call the "Gridiron Warrior" received 39 hits in just two days. Wow!! I knew he was good looking but I never realized just how much. I've always felt this was one of my better paintings but I never expected such a response to him from the larger audience. Yes, I'm excited!

In addition to the increased hits to my photos, I've received an email from a Flickr member that has requested I paint his portrait. He is a very fit athlete with a great physique. He wants me to use one of his photos as a reference for the artwork. Wow! that's even more exciting. Wish me luck.

I guess its true what they say, "Sex sells!"

It's Spring Time, Don't ya know?

I enjoyed Vegas so much. I've got even more pictures of Vegas to share. However, I'm ready for a change of topic. If you haven't noticed, spring time is here. The flowers are blooming, things are turning green and I'm coming out of my annual winter funk.

Along with the flowers, romance is blooming around here. If you haven't been growing your flowers or growing your romance, you should check in with me more often. I can let you know how its done.

We've had a little cold snap that has bit the flowers but they'll be back in shape in no time. But, while things have been frosty in the garden the romance has been warm and cozy. Stay tuned for more about Vegas. To see more of the garden pictures, click on the Flickr link. I've uploaded a large set of garden pictures to my photo album.

Flickr

Have you noticed I've added a new address to my link section of the blog? I discovered the fun of Flickr. Its an online photo sharing site. Like most artists I love photography. When I'm too busy or stressed to draw or paint I spend time snapping pics of things to use as source material for future artwork. The picture included today is one I found on Flickr. The picture was posted by Darth Roland.

I'm gonna be busy this weekend. I'm afraid I might not have time to post another blog until next week sometime. Everyone use this time to checkout my Flickr photo album and let me know what you think. Heck, while you're there you might as well sign up for your own account. Its free.